someone threw a dead crab at me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize