Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
