How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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