If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
that is very illegal...i love you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
