when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
