my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize