Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
