nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
