We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
