I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
