Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
