I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
