Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
