It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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