She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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