I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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