he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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