just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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