Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
