Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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