Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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