Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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