I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
