When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my shit smells like andre
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
false alarm, still single
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
