So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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