can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who died my cat blue again?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
