you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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