If i come over, it means nothing
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
