So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
