I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
FUCK WHALES
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
