I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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