Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
