I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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