I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
