Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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