so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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