He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
