I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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