i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
