I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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