This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
