the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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