Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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