Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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