Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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