Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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