Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
