This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
