I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
