chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
