Whod you bang
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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