i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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