OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize