walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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