remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
