Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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