I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
