Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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