there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
