woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
