honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
