it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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