NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
