he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
