My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
