Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize