Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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