My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
