My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
