Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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