I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
