i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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