I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
people are starting to question the shark bite story
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
