About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How external is "for external use only"?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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