Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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