just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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