After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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