I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
