It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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