well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
